Posted tagged ‘mature-marriage’

Why Did You Get Married?

October 23, 2009

Me-MarriageWhy did you get married? Why do you want to get married? Answers are varied, but usually focus on love, completeness, happiness, maybe even hotness…Some people even throw in God.

Did any one say because they wanted to please God? I don’t think so!

Marriage is a big deal throughout the world. There is something within normally wired men and women that draws us together. We are drawn into relationships, and those relationships usually end up in marriage.

In the 21st Century we have come to regard marriage as a “me” thing. It must make “me” happy. It must have romance, it must have spontenaity, it must meet “me” needs. Books are written on how to compromise so that both me’s in the marriage are kept happy. Gone are the books about subjection and submission and pleasing the husband. Gone are the books about ruling your home and discipline and leadership. They have all been replaced with books about tolerance, sensitivity, freedom, acceptance and sharing responsibilities.

marriage about reconciliationChildren are raised with the idea that life is all about them and what they want, and so they go into marriage expecting the same. Most have experienced their parents divorcing, so they have this pre-programed attitude that if their spouse fails to meet their needs, they leave and move on to someone else. We have even come to accept the reality of  “starter marriages” and how they can be beneficial in opening our eyes to the hardships and struggles that marriages often have.

As most young people enamored with the romance and beauty of extravagant marriages and honeymoons soon discover, marriage quickly turns into the excitement of driving across Kansas and seeing an occasional overpass. Too often couples see marriage as an ideal that they want to have in their lives, but it soon descends into hurt and disappointment and even resentment and hatred.

Mature-MarriageSo most couples who survive the turmoils of learning to live with a person of the opposite sex and opposite thinking, trade the romantic “Me-Marriage” for realistic “Mature-Marriage”. Instead of leaving the marriage because of selfish expectations, they stay in the marriage and learn to settle for or tolerate each other. The marriage becomes “livable” and “convenient”.

Is the “Me-Marriage” or even the “Mature-Marriage” what God had in mind when He designed man and woman?

God Design for MarriageGod from the very beginning told Adam and Eve to “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it”.

Marriage was designed to Conquer, to Win, to be Victorious! God’s Marriage must generate energy, not just energy to survive each other, but to subdue the world! God’s marriage generated energy to Overcome!

God is all about Life and Life that is Abundant, Fruitful and Fulfilling! God designed Marriage to accomplish His purpose!


God designed marriage so that the challenges and problems a couple faces should be transformational- should bring them closer to the power and purpose of God! Marriage is all about the Life that God wants us to Live! In fact, to be TOTALLY MARRIED is to have a marriage that points others to God!

Now if marriages are to accomplish what God wants, they can’t be about Me or even We.

And if Marriages are about Victory and Conquering, they shouldn’t be boring or lifeless or settling and mature. They should be about Life! The life that God gives!

We need to see marriage and our relationships with our spouses in a different light. We need to see them with God’s Design in mind. Consider these amazing thoughts:

  • God did not design marriage to make US happy, but to make us HOLY!
  • God did not design marriage to Benefit us, but to Empower us!

We all got married with dreams in our heads.


I imagined Lydia would make a great pastor’s wife. I could see her faithfully by my side as I preached to admiring audiences. But somewhere along the line my dreams of saving the world turned into the nightmare of feeding six children, of Chuck E Cheese, of braces, and fighting about watching Terminator instead of Pretty Woman for the 30th time. Seemingly overnight we went from sexy nighties to ratty sweats. What happened to those dreams? Is this what marriage is really all about?

So What does God Want Marriages to be?

What was His design? Sexy Nighties or Ratty Sweats? How can Marriage make us Holy and Empower us to be like God, and accommodate any attire, any stage of life? This is the purpose of this site, to discover God’s design fro marriage, and to discover how to become TotallyMarried.

There are two Non-Negotiable beliefs that we must embrace if we are to become TotallyMarried.

1. Marriage requires a 24/7 commitment.

2. Marriage requires a new and selfless life.

If we are to discover God’s design for marriage, we must commit our hearts to God, without reservation.


If we are to discover God’s design for marriage, we must surrender our will, our notions, our preconceptions to Him. Thus begins our journey to be TotallyMarried!